In some way or another we all want to feel good.

If you’re in the depths of your pain then you likely have given up on happiness, but at least in some way, have seeked a semblance of ‘goodness’ by giving your pain meaning.

If you feel ‘normal’ or bland, you’re likely searching for sustained happiness or enjoyment.

Regardless of your current state, you’re seeking to feel better.

But, social media and modern society has tainted what it means to feel truly good to the depths of your core.

They mean well, but they teach 2 flawed methods:

1. Consumerism

2. Mindfulness

Both of these are bandages.

Consumerism

Consumerism attracts the younger crowd, especially the young men.

It’s the bubble of social media and society that preaches status through external measure—without realizing they’re actually trying to feel whole.

It’s the watches, the cars and the women.

It’s the private jets, the big bank account and the cigars.

But if you ask them why they want this, they don’t have their own answer.

They don’t have one they’ve thought about and created.

It’s all regurgitated reasons.

The irony is the social media bubbles that teach this talks down on the rest of society for following what other people say.

And although blindly following anyone is a disaster for most, the irony is they don’t realize they are doing the same thing.

There regurgitated answers are usually along the lines of:

“Because I think it would be cool…”

“So that I don’t have to listen to anyone…”

“Because I’m not a pussy…”

If you start prodding and ask them why they want any of those things, or why they think these things bring them status—and thus a feeling of goodness—they have no real answers.

They just loop back to their original reasoning.

I’ll tell you why:

It’s because they are running from something and the hoarding provides relief, like an addiction—it is an addiction.

The why behind an addiction can be seen as a positive: It’s to relieve oneself from pain.

That’s a positive thing.

However anyone can tell you meth and coke isn’t good for you.

So the why behind it is positive but the act is negative.

Consumerism is the same.

Anyone who falls for its trap will never have enough—and will thus never feel sustained happiness.

Now consumerism veers from the classic addictions in that some things can have deeper meanings to you.

For example, if you grew up working on cars with your dad and you spend a third of you bank account buying and fixing an old car.

Learning, experiencing and remembering those feelings you had from childhood is far from an addiction influenced action.

It only turns bad when you rush this experience, buy car after car trying to chase the feeling and so that others see you as ‘high’ status.

Mindfulness

Now just like consumerism I don’t think mindfulness is necessarily bad.

In fact mindfulness has been a big part of my life.

The problem with it in this context is, it’s incomplete.

Sitting criss-cross, focusing on your breath, for 20 minutes will provide temporary relief, but it won’t get to the root of the problem.

So what is the problem?

The Problem

The problem with both of these methods is they are trying to cover up or build on shaky foundation.

Underneath your whimsical emotions and low energy state you have beliefs, neuro-pathways and feelings trapped in your body, that unless changed and felt will keep you from feeling sustained goodness.

It’s why you can never have enough and it’s why mindfulness is merely acting as a bandage.

Before you can build up, you have to burn everything down.

You need to clear out your old foundation and build a new better one on top of it’s ashes.

You have to be willing to experience new things with an open mind.

You have to shed your old views of things you’ve been wrestling with.

You have to accept your ignorance.

You have to have the courage to sit in your pain.

You have to rewire your circuits.

You have to knock it all down, lay a new foundation then build up from there.

The Prescription

Giving a prescription to this problem—a step by step or list of methods—is dangerous.

It runs the risk of becoming another bandage.

So I’ll give you one practice I believe you should have and tell you two things you should nurture.

Nurture these 2 things:

• Your courage—you will face pain, there will be ups and downs, the journey will be long (more than you think possible), but through all of this you have to stay steadfast and not give up. If you do, you have to be willing to get back up.

   

• An open-mind—accept you’re wrong, even on things you don’t think you are wrong on, even if you’re not sure, never settle or close your mind off, be open to everything, don’t follow blindly, listen to multiple sides and test for yourself.

And if there is a view that you’ve held for a long time and it’s done no good for you and it will do no good for the world, there’s a good chance it’s wrong or you’re missing something.

If you have the courage to open your mind, burn your world down and face your fears you’ll make it where you need to be.

The Practice:

This practice requires courage.

There are 2 access points to this practice:

• Unconscious overreaction

• Conscious overreaction

Let’s see how this works:

If you pay attention, your emotions express themselves in your body or mind, and more often in your body.

As we got older, we began to push our emotions away and started to pay more attention to our thoughts because of this we stopped noticing the visceral feeling.

But they’re there and because we’ve forgotten about them and because we’ve pushed them away, they’ve gotten trapped.

Now they come out in ways we don’t like.

Random events elicit these trapped feelings to show face and transport you back to when they became trapped, causing nasty overreactions.

It can be a word someone says, a place or even being tired that can trigger these events.

Now an overreaction doesn’t necessarily have to be external. It doesn’t always mean you’re screaming or crying or fighting.

It can be internal—the drop of your stomach, a disconnect, a discomfort in the body and an over active mind.

This is where having courage comes in.

Instead of searching for a relief either through indulging in the impulses to scream or punch, or take drugs, or shell up and let your mind run wild, or push it away—you’re going to face the pain head on.

You’re going to finally give yourself the chance to feel these trapped emotions without putting judgment on them.

Emotions are just emotions. They feel different from one another but they aren’t the judgements we put on them.

Before you learn the final step, let’s backtrack to the access points.

To feel the trapped emotions we have to let them out, this is where the access points come in.

You need an overreaction, so run this practice when one occurs out of your control. Or when you find time to consciously think about something that will cause an overreaction.

Once you have the overreaction and the courage to face the emotions you move onto the final step:

Find the emotion in your body—it may be a knot in your throat, an uneasy stomach, a heavy heart or in multiple places at once.

Bring your awareness to the discomfort and hold it there without judgement or letting your mind put labels on it—if your mind must do something let it describe the feeling and try to give it a colour.

Finally, give yourself what you need—after you’ve held your awareness for sometime, give yourself what you lacked back when the emotions got trapped.

It could be love, space to listen, confidence, encouragement or all of the above.

Use mantras if you like but really try to feel this.

This practice is here to feel, release and rewrite the trapped emotions hiding in you acting as snakes in the grass.

Find your access point.

Have courage.

Feel the feelings in your body.

Give yourself what you need.

Run this practice daily through the conscious access point in the beginning and as the unconscious access points occur.

As the overreactions become lesser and your general state rises you can do it less frequent.

And don’t forget to open your mind and accept your ignorance. 

As you do this you’ll see your state rise, you’ll feel better and your mindfulness practices will work as they’re meant to now that they have the right foundation.

I hope you found value in this letter.

If you feel moved consider forwarding it to someone who would benefit from it.

Until next time!

P.S. I have an few open slots in my newsletter/article writing service.

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